i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
