OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
