weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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