i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
