So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
