Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
