reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
