summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
