My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
