I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
