woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
