In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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