Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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