I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
