One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
