I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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