nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
