I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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