My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
