She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
