I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
