PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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