i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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