i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i think i just lost a toe
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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