I molested 6 butterflies tonight
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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