i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
