Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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