Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
