are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
