Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
