I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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