i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
