There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
