peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
