so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
