Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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