I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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