I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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