I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
