Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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