My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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