If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
