There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
