Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Blood and glitter go together right?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
