so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Your tits are I can't wait for
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
