Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
