If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
