i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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