he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
