Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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