Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
