the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
