i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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