Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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